I'd break a thousand times

I lived

in my mind

for so long

I forgot

my heart

had a voice.

I planned

controlled

kept things tidy

neat

safe—

until you.

you walked in

all quiet pain

and messy light

and something in me

unravelled

beautifully.

I was terrified

of loving you—

not because you’re hard to love

but because

you made me soft

and I didn’t know

how to survive

without my armour.

sometimes

I hate how much I care.

how much i want

to hold you

wrap you in my arms

like a shield

against the dark

and kiss away

every tear

if it meant

you’d smile again.

I’m not proud

of how much

you break me

just by hurting.

but god—

I’d break a thousand times

just to see you

whole.